Khaleej Times (LIFE) April 9, 2013
I have recently assumed office as the spokesperson for a
spanking new organization – GRuBA – Global Rule Breakers Association. Yeah,
sounds kinda grubby, but that’s how some acronyms are. There has been a need
for a club of this sort since the time man has been eating and drinking, but
the absence of a concerted effort has seen this slighted lot of rule breakers
getting their most basic rights crushed under asinine rules and statutes.
When I was offered the role of GRuBA’s brand ambassador, I
asked, why me? They were candid, and said my space in a national newspaper
could just be the right thing for them. They said they wanted someone who could
genuinely understand them and propagate their ideas. I pounced on the
opportunity. Of what use are my skills if they can’t be utilized for ‘larger
social causes’?
After great deliberation, a charter statement was created and
I have been given the task of floating it. The following is the gist of the
document.
The primary objective is to claim our right to break rules as
fundamental to our existence. We believe in democratic values and consider the
world to be a huge republic with no stifling regulations. (One can choose to
call it a banana republic at one’s own peril). Our fight is for establishing a
freewheeling system where pointless Dos and Don’ts don’t bind us.
For starters, we would like to highlight issues that may
sound downright frivolous to an uptight conformist, but to us are distressing
because they hamper our movement and have a debilitating effect on our lives. We are a lot born with mobile phones as an appendage and we carry rights to employ it at our discretion – in the plane, at a concert, in the prayer hall or at the meeting. Asking us to arbitrarily switch off or silence it is tantamount to gagging us. So, let the ringtones play and let’s discuss the day’s menu with the cook or fret over an undelivered consignment even in the midst of a spiritual discourse, or give a running commentary on the flight even after we have belted up or update our FB status at a live show.
We can fight over our freedom on the roads till eternity, but
you cannot deny us our right to not use indicators, cut lanes, zoom past the
amber and red, or honk. Rules are for ninnies and you follow them at your risk.
If our approach irks you, cross over and join us. You will then feel less violated
as a driver.
As pedestrians, we have been a hassled lot. We’re not ‘joy’walking,
we’re merely crossing the road wherever we want to. Why should we cross
elsewhere when the store is right in front of us? Please stop cribbing and
start using your brakes and reflexes wisely to avoid mishaps.
Jumping queues is a genetic issue with us and pardon us for
it. Further, if there is a privileged line with a fee, we shall jump more happily.
Money can sometimes be useful, you see.
We shall dump waste outside garbage containers, photograph
when prohibited, (double) park where we like, spit, litter and do all we
please.
There are larger aspects of rule breaking that will need extensive
debate within the existing parameters of morality and social code. We have yet
to examine and establish to the world how rule breaking in many instances is
forced and how it is even for the general good. These are intricacies that we shall
discuss continually as we evolve as an organization.
We don’t seek political rights. We only demand social recognition
and respect from the righteous wing that never errs and constantly demurs
against us. Rule breaking is our birthright and no law can stop us from
exercising it.
God bless (save) the GRuBA community!
Disclaimer: Readers
are advised to use due wisdom and judgment before seeking membership. 
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