Writing our remembrance speech

Khaleej Times (ISSUES) / 24 August 2012

Every time the world loses a living icon, we are treated to reams of tributes in the days that ensue. It makes the loss feel larger than it truly is; the person more real than he actually was and the tributes themselves contrived, and obligatory.

And after the initial outpouring has run its course, gentle criticisms start trickling in, making us feel that the hero was less super and more human, after all. The eulogies that seemed so authentic a few days ago, convert to gentle disparagement of a mercurial life that ended in ignominy, or glory blown to bits by common flaws, or simple blemishes that we failed to see so long.

From Michael Jackson to Steve Jobs to Rajesh Khanna, we saw it happen in recent times. Although frailty plays peek-a-boo with their names in the aftermath of their passing away, their lives are largely defined by the greatness of their deeds. They are remembered for the pleasant things than the odd chinks, and when the world mourns their loss we know that it is because they had touched our lives in some unique manner.

Is that how it will be when we leave the arena? It’s time to take stock of our innings here.

Imagine that you have been on a guided world tour with 15 other families. Places seen, pictures taken, milestones reached, mementoes collected, connections made, friendships built and life experiences shared. Ask anyone — upon return — memories about the people you were with will be more enduring than the places you visited. Every time you view the album, thoughts about your fellow travellers will emerge, evoking a smile, a fond thought, a smirk or a sneer. Remember, those viewing your pictures at the other end will be summoning up images of you too — gentle or otherwise — depending upon how you had conducted yourself. It is this that makes the trip worthwhile than the mountain views and museum visits. The mementoes and milestones are part of personal fulfillment, while impressions that we leave behind are for the world to reminisce.

At the time of our departure if we can have people lament over the loss of a dear friend and human being than just of a celebrity, if we have a eulogy at our memorial service that extolled our genuineness than our sterling track record, if people acknowledged that it was a life well lived, then we would have truly made the grade.

Come to think of it, won’t it be worth the while to try and draft our own remembrance speech, and let it chart the course of our life? Let there be something in it beyond making millions and marking anniversaries. Nothing can be a disservice to our existence in this world than characterizing it in terms of possessions and popularity.

We may or may not engineer new things for the world to revel in, may or may not be able to create jobs with an enterprise, may or may not regale millions with our tunes, find new methods to alleviate pain and poverty or get to the bottom of the big bang theory. But there is one thing we can all accomplish in our own little inconspicuous ways — leave lasting foot prints on the sands of time. How we do it amidst this hurly burly of modernity is for each of us to decipher. It may not be possible for everyone to make a podium finish, but if we have had a good bout, we will still be good enough to be remembered; just that we need to find the best way of bowing out of the ring, medals or no medals.

It shouldn’t matter if you go to the grave as a rich person, as Steve Jobs said. What should matter is going there as a good person and transferring your innate goodness to the earth to be recycled back into the world.

The odd case of social networking

Khaleej Times / Opinion (Issues) 5 August 2012

THE DAY I heard about the big Facebook IPO, I asked, “Do people really think this fad is going to last and stock it up to help them when they retire?”Brand me orthodox or anti-social, but in my private opinion, the FB is more like a conjugal intruder or a femme fatale (forgive me for the analogy), that will eventually get dumped by its ardent lovers. Here is my FB own story.

After being hounded by several FBians of different ages, I finally jumped on the bandwagon some time ago.

Now what?

Add friends, they said.

Who friends?

Those long lost ones from school and college.

You mean the ones who ate all the idlis and dosas from my tiffin, the ones who gave leaky pens when mine ran out of ink in the class, the ones who thought I was a loser just because I couldn’t cycle or swim and those who looked scandalised when they saw “One Hundred Years of Solitude” in my bag and exclaimed, “you, and Marquez”?

Why in the world would I add them? They were not my ‘friends’ then, how now?

That’s how it works. You send friend requests to all the people you know, from far and near, they said.

But they are in no way my friends! Does the FB have anything like an ‘acquaintance’ option? Nope?

Then forget it, I am not game.

Wait, they say. You can invite your close friends, the ones who have stuck by you, and the ones you reach out to when you simply want to unwind or de-stress. You sure have such entities in your life?

I try to think and count on my fingers. Now why do I want them on my FB list, when I can simply call, mail or text them?

Dummy, you are so out of step with the world, they slap their head. Do you know what wonders it can do to your network? They explain that it could get me exposure, it could breathe new life into my three and odd year old debut novel, I would know people across the globe and this could further my gains.

Gains? What gains? They ignore my question. I intercept their sermon and explain how at the time of my novel, I had reached across to scores of contacts, writing to them individually, appealing to them to be charitable enough to buy than ask for a complimentary copy. In response, I got loads of congratulatory messages. Only some went on to place an order or go and buy it. Fewer still wrote back with their comments. Moral of the story – knowing people is just not enough.

Hey, FB lets you take a peek into other people’s lives as well, they say suddenly as if throwing up an incentive, or lets you know whereabouts of someone you left behind in time. Or better still, it lets you tell the world what’s cooking in your kitchen.

Ugh! I have no interest in knowing that a distant contact’s pet dog has died of pneumonia or view someone’s pictures taken on a tour to Timbaktu or tell them that I had an uncouth encounter with a rogue lizard in the closet. Give me a break. I have enough happening in my life and have no time to go after the co ordinates of old neighbours and schoolmates, or open the windows of my life to them.

Utterly mulish, they mumble and give up on me.

So, here is my updated FB status. Several friend requests in waiting, from people I know in varying degrees or don’t know at all. The latest is from someone who has over 3000 friends and is only as familiar as an alien to me. Can someone suggest one good reason for me to confirm his request? Or why I must clog my in box with odd notifications?