THE DAY I heard about the big Facebook IPO, I asked, “Do people really think this fad is going to last and stock it up to help them when they retire?”Brand me orthodox or anti-social, but in my private opinion, the FB is more like a conjugal intruder or a femme fatale (forgive me for the analogy), that will eventually get dumped by its ardent lovers. Here is my FB own story.
After being hounded by several FBians of different ages, I finally jumped on the bandwagon some time ago.
Now what?
Add friends, they said.
Who friends?
Those long lost ones from school and college.
You mean the ones who ate all the idlis and dosas from my tiffin, the ones who gave leaky pens when mine ran out of ink in the class, the ones who thought I was a loser just because I couldn’t cycle or swim and those who looked scandalised when they saw “One Hundred Years of Solitude” in my bag and exclaimed, “you, and Marquez”?
Why in the world would I add them? They were not my ‘friends’ then, how now?
That’s how it works. You send friend requests to all the people you know, from far and near, they said.
But they are in no way my friends! Does the FB have anything like an ‘acquaintance’ option? Nope?
Then forget it, I am not game.
Wait, they say. You can invite your close friends, the ones who have stuck by you, and the ones you reach out to when you simply want to unwind or de-stress. You sure have such entities in your life?
I try to think and count on my fingers. Now why do I want them on my FB list, when I can simply call, mail or text them?
Dummy, you are so out of step with the world, they slap their head. Do you know what wonders it can do to your network? They explain that it could get me exposure, it could breathe new life into my three and odd year old debut novel, I would know people across the globe and this could further my gains.
Gains? What gains? They ignore my question. I intercept their sermon and explain how at the time of my novel, I had reached across to scores of contacts, writing to them individually, appealing to them to be charitable enough to buy than ask for a complimentary copy. In response, I got loads of congratulatory messages. Only some went on to place an order or go and buy it. Fewer still wrote back with their comments. Moral of the story – knowing people is just not enough.
Hey, FB lets you take a peek into other people’s lives as well, they say suddenly as if throwing up an incentive, or lets you know whereabouts of someone you left behind in time. Or better still, it lets you tell the world what’s cooking in your kitchen.
Ugh! I have no interest in knowing that a distant contact’s pet dog has died of pneumonia or view someone’s pictures taken on a tour to Timbaktu or tell them that I had an uncouth encounter with a rogue lizard in the closet. Give me a break. I have enough happening in my life and have no time to go after the co ordinates of old neighbours and schoolmates, or open the windows of my life to them.
Utterly mulish, they mumble and give up on me.
So, here is my updated FB status. Several friend requests in waiting, from people I know in varying degrees or don’t know at all. The latest is from someone who has over 3000 friends and is only as familiar as an alien to me. Can someone suggest one good reason for me to confirm his request? Or why I must clog my in box with odd notifications?
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